CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS: FAMILY AND FRIENDS

 

Family : where relationships and attachment styles begins : Family is the immediate social unit of an individual in a given society. This is the first experience of interaction. However, there may be relatively quantitative and qualitative difference between the individual and his or her family members. First interaction begins with the care giver especially mother. These interaction shapes individual’s world. It has a lasting impact on individual’s future interpersonal behavior. The degree of security an individual feels in interpersonal relationships is called as attachment style. It is understood that an infant develops two basic attitudes as a result of these early interpersonal interactions with adults. These are self-esteem, which is an attitude towards self and second is interpersonal trust, which is an attitude towards others. Development of self-esteem is dependent on the reactions of the care giver of being important, valued, and loved or the other extreme of being unimportant, unloved, etc. Interpersonal trust is dependent upon being trustworthy, dependable and reliable or the other extreme of this. On the basis of these two basic attitudes and they being high or low can be placed in four types of interpersonal styles as given below: a. Secure attachment style b. Fearful- avoidant attachment style c. Preoccupied attachment style d. Dismissing attachment style 93 Secure attachment style : A secure attachment style is a characteristic of an individual who is high on both, self-esteem and interpersonal trust. Person with this type of attachment style is found to be good at relationships, self-confidence, high on need for achievement and has less fear of failure are other characteristics of secure attachment style. 

Fearful- avoidant attachment style : This type of attachment style is a result of low self-esteem and interpersonal trust. A person with fearful-avoidant attachment style is poor at interpersonal relationships and also avoids close relationships. Preoccupied attachment style : A negative attitude towards oneself and a high interpersonal trust results in preoccupied attachment style. These types of people are ready to get in to interpersonal relationships but are often found to be pessimistic about their relationships. 

Dismissing attachment style : This type of attachment style is an outcome of high selfesteem and low interpersonal trust. Individuals with this attachment style avoid genuine close relationship. They feel insecure due to the belief that they deserve a close relationship but are frustrated because of the mistrust towards others. The above mentioned are the four basic attachment styles as result of the variations in the attitude towards self and others. These attachment styles are assumed to be formed in infancy and continue in the adult life, however, certain life experiences can influence and change the attachment style of an individual. It’s not only the mother who influences the child. In a given family the presence of others and interaction with them definitely have an impact on the child. Every member in the family has different experiences, different personality and attitude. Every interaction of each member of the family with the child is likely to have positive or negative effect. The point is that it is not only the immediate care taker but the interactions with the entire family can influence the child. Interaction among siblings is also a significant factor. There can be variety of situations like; single child, two siblings-either both male and female or a combination. These variations can result in 94 different experiences with people outside the home. However, it is observed that relationships among sibling are also dependent upon the interpersonal relation among parents and their marital satisfaction. 10.5.2 Beyond the family : friendships : Family where relationships begin and attachment styles develop generally have close relationships among themselves. However, close relationships extend beyond family. A close friendship is a relationship where people spend great deal of time together, interact in variety of situations, are self-disclosing and provide mutual and emotional support. Having friends or not has become a social qualification and a loner is described as person having no friends. Friends are an integral part of our life. It is seen as a source of practical and emotional support. Generally it can be understood that the individuals who elicits positive effect can become close friends. Gender difference is seen in friendships. We will find two females discussing more on the topics of their interests than males. It is observed that male gets attracted towards females thinking that eventually their relationship will result in sexual interactions, if not then males eventually end the relationship. In contrast females look for protective role from males and eventually ends up the relationship if she finds nothing as expected in the relationship.